OK ... so I haven't posted in a while.
I have been up to my tits in various things from quitting my job (interesting story involving kicking a nun down a stairwell ... but that's for another time), organising events, arguing with my previous employer and trying to get things sorted out for Christmas.
I have been banned from a certain shopping centre for kicking an elf. Now call me a bigot (which you will) but I find little-people creepy during any season, but when they have plastic spock-ears and jingling bells ... its like being in some absinthe induced waking nightmare. When this particular elf tried to give me some Christmas cheer I reacted in self defence and clobbered him.
And this brings me to my point. Elves. Can't trust 'em. For years they have been coming into Ireland from Eastern European loser countries and taking jobs from hard working dwarves like myself. It makes me so sad to see dwarves kicking their heels outside the social welfare offices begging passers-by to help them up so that they can see over the counter to make a claim. Its fucking demeaning.
You know why its elves in Santas workshop though don't you? Because they are freaks! They work for shoes - a pair of clogs a day in some places! - and are too "happy" to get their act together and form a union. Then they have all of the luck in college - positive discrimination towards these falsetto gimps nets them all the good courses leaving only the dregs for honest, hard working dwarves. Don't believe me? How come that 70% of dwarf college graduates have degree's in social science and whale biology? That's not a co-incidence!
I'm sick and tired of all of the pro-elf media portrayals to. Look at the stories people tell their children, "the elves and the shoemaker" which portrays elves as helpful - bullshit. In the original German story the elves used the shoemakers shop as a front for laundering the money they made pimping elven-hoes out to wealthy Schnitzel merchants. How about Santa Claus: The Movie - they get a few dozen elves and that club footed sell-out Dudley Moore to prance around in green felt costumes constantly happy and kind to children. No mention of the chronic cocaine usage amongst elves is made, no reference to their genetic predisposition towards balloon fetishism is even so much as hinted at.
Or the ultimate example. Kellogs Rice Crispies. Snap, Crackle and Pop - well known to be engaged in a three way sado-masochistic relationship are portrayed as role models suitable for breakfast cereals! "Pop" isn't a real name. Arthur Snap, Geoffrey Crackle and Anton du Beaumarcie - he got the nickname "Pop" while working in a live sex show in Heidelberg (I have omitted the exact reason for the sake of taste and decency).
So While you are sucking down gravy and guzzling Christmas turkey this year, spare a thought for the thousands of marginalised and unemployed dwarves in your community. Many of them wont be having a Christmas, many dwarf children will find no presents Christmas morning - because some coked up elf stole their Daddy's part in the stage production of the Wizard of Oz.
Merry Christmas people.
I have been up to my tits in various things from quitting my job (interesting story involving kicking a nun down a stairwell ... but that's for another time), organising events, arguing with my previous employer and trying to get things sorted out for Christmas.
I have been banned from a certain shopping centre for kicking an elf. Now call me a bigot (which you will) but I find little-people creepy during any season, but when they have plastic spock-ears and jingling bells ... its like being in some absinthe induced waking nightmare. When this particular elf tried to give me some Christmas cheer I reacted in self defence and clobbered him.
And this brings me to my point. Elves. Can't trust 'em. For years they have been coming into Ireland from Eastern European loser countries and taking jobs from hard working dwarves like myself. It makes me so sad to see dwarves kicking their heels outside the social welfare offices begging passers-by to help them up so that they can see over the counter to make a claim. Its fucking demeaning.
You know why its elves in Santas workshop though don't you? Because they are freaks! They work for shoes - a pair of clogs a day in some places! - and are too "happy" to get their act together and form a union. Then they have all of the luck in college - positive discrimination towards these falsetto gimps nets them all the good courses leaving only the dregs for honest, hard working dwarves. Don't believe me? How come that 70% of dwarf college graduates have degree's in social science and whale biology? That's not a co-incidence!
I'm sick and tired of all of the pro-elf media portrayals to. Look at the stories people tell their children, "the elves and the shoemaker" which portrays elves as helpful - bullshit. In the original German story the elves used the shoemakers shop as a front for laundering the money they made pimping elven-hoes out to wealthy Schnitzel merchants. How about Santa Claus: The Movie - they get a few dozen elves and that club footed sell-out Dudley Moore to prance around in green felt costumes constantly happy and kind to children. No mention of the chronic cocaine usage amongst elves is made, no reference to their genetic predisposition towards balloon fetishism is even so much as hinted at.
Or the ultimate example. Kellogs Rice Crispies. Snap, Crackle and Pop - well known to be engaged in a three way sado-masochistic relationship are portrayed as role models suitable for breakfast cereals! "Pop" isn't a real name. Arthur Snap, Geoffrey Crackle and Anton du Beaumarcie - he got the nickname "Pop" while working in a live sex show in Heidelberg (I have omitted the exact reason for the sake of taste and decency).
So While you are sucking down gravy and guzzling Christmas turkey this year, spare a thought for the thousands of marginalised and unemployed dwarves in your community. Many of them wont be having a Christmas, many dwarf children will find no presents Christmas morning - because some coked up elf stole their Daddy's part in the stage production of the Wizard of Oz.
Merry Christmas people.
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