There really is a spoon ...

2008-06-23T07:38:00.004+01:00

His soul is on the roof!George Carlin, dead at 71.I personally considered this man a true comic genius, the first angry comic (and quite possible the last good one). He passed last night of heart failure.I can't think of a single witty comment or complex metaphor that would befit the memory of such a jokesmith and founder of the Frisbeetarianism movement, so I will simply quote some of the

2008-05-28T17:19:00.001+01:00

Journalists: Second Class Citizens.Take a few minutes to read the running commentary in the response sections of the SkyNews website and you will get the strong impression that the word “journalist” is synonymous with the words “liar”, “scandal monger”, “opportunist” and “parasite”. It seems that in the minds of the average member of the public the humble “journo” is like a latter day Shylock,

2008-03-19T15:16:00.001Z

He is Stardust Arthur C Clarke, author of 2001: A Space Odyssey, died today aged 90. The last of science-fictions holy-trinity* is no longer with us and I can’t help but wonder what will fill the void left by their overwhelming talent, vision and insight into the human condition. Goodbye Arthur, you ideas made manifest are the lasting memorial and testament to your singular genius.

2008-03-12T14:54:00.001Z

A retraction and thank you to Will Wheaton. Dear Will, In the past I have maligned you to friends, vilified you to acquaintances and (believing you to be a blight) wished your company upon my enemies. I have belittled your career, poked fun at your portrayals and generally not been very complimentary at all. Today, after reading your blog post and excerpts in regard to the death of

2008-03-06T19:26:00.002Z

Rolling in Valhalla now brother ...Gary Gygax has died aged 69. The father of role playing games and the man to whom so many nerds, geeks, fantasy nuts and basement dwellers owe thousands of hours of believing they really are a six foot tall nubian, Lvl6 Fighter with twin +1 Longswords.Please, take a moment and reflect on the things this man has given, he has in someway, at some point touched

2008-03-06T16:37:00.002Z

I'll be digging my own foxhole - get away from you people!http://www.alternet.org/blogs/peek/78839/#moreWell isn’t this a fine example of how the cynical “Afghan/Gulf/Some place next door by 2009” campaign is being conducted. Perhaps it’s just me but the pseudo religious crusade being waged in the Middle East is more than a little distasteful. I say “pseudo” because I don’t personally

2008-02-07T16:47:00.000Z

Stop!Stop and search protocols are to be scrapped with immediate effect in Britain. The Home Secretary claims that it is because filling out the stop and search documentation has caused a beuraucracy that is taking up six million man hours. Thats 6,000,000 for those of you who need visual aids.Thing is, they have also claimed that it takes a debilitating 7 minutes to fill out the stop and search

2008-01-02T11:07:00.000Z

The New Meme...Ok, so I normally leave my blogs up a little longer than this but I have come across something that the world needs to know about.Click here to see why you shouldnt fuck up on "teh intarwebs!"*Nick, you are finally famous buddy.*you might have to keep refreshing due to the forums limited bandwidth and the sheer number of people finding out just how big a deuche Nick is.

2007-12-24T17:06:00.000Z

OK ... so I haven't posted in a while.I have been up to my tits in various things from quitting my job (interesting story involving kicking a nun down a stairwell ... but that's for another time), organising events, arguing with my previous employer and trying to get things sorted out for Christmas.I have been banned from a certain shopping centre for kicking an elf. Now call me a bigot (which

2007-11-02T14:56:00.000Z

This shit has got to stop!Rev. Fred Phelps has been successfully sued by the family of a marine killed in Iraq whose funeral his acolytes protested.I know, protesting a funeral … there are baton-charged hippies spinning in their ponchos right now.Whatever your feelings about Phelps and his horrid brood making this decision by the courts (a 5million dollar payout by Phelps has been awarded) a

2007-10-17T08:23:00.000+01:00

Well, what did you think would happen? Sky News have reprted the following; http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,91221-1288697,00.html Basically, it is a whinging article with undertones of "Down with this sort of thing" indicating that people are downloading and playing Manhunt 2 over the itnernet. Shock. Fucking. Horror. What in the name of Larry Flints lunch did you think was going to

2007-10-10T16:02:00.000+01:00

To dumb to choose for ourselves …The BBFC have decided to deny Rockstar Games an 18+ certificate for the reworked version of Manhunt 2, a move that will essentially ban its sale in the UK.Pathetic isn’t it? That some fucking suit whose ethics, morality and decision making ability are not open to question can decide what is “suitable” for mature people to see and do.So much for freedom of speech,

2007-09-25T11:10:00.000+01:00

Our addiction to sufferingAs a species we are by nature a walking hypocrisy. With one hand we use our brushes, pens, rules and tools to fashion and manipulate the world to our own design, applying rational comprehension and logic to the universe to discover and learn the nature of the universe. With the other, we use our gifts of higher thought and opposable thumbs to unleash the most

2007-06-27T15:33:00.001+01:00

5 Reasonable Demands1) The legalisation and regulation, with immediate effect, of all so-called “soft drugs”. These psychotropic’s and perception altering substances are far less harmful to the mind and body than more common legal stimulants (notably alcohol, tobacco and caffeine) and their alleged social harms are only present due to the illegality of the substance in the first place.

2007-06-25T11:36:00.000+01:00

The Rockstar Games title Manhunt 2 has been bannedManhunt 2 is distinguishable from recent high-end video games by its unremitting bleakness and callousness of tone in an overall game context which constantly encourages visceral killing with exceptionally little alleviation or distancing," said David Cooke, director of the BBFC.2Manhunt 2 is distinguishable from recent high-end video games by its

2007-05-06T16:08:00.000+01:00

Abortion, Miss D and Fundamentalism OK, lets start this hot topic with the position; When an organism is dependent on another organism for its survival, its rights are limited to those that the host organism chooses to provide it with, or in the case of parasites, the host organism becomes aware of the parasite and chooses to either continue supporting the parasite or remove it. When an

2007-04-24T16:00:00.000+01:00

Bothersome BiometricsThere has been a lot of talk over the past couple of years in regard to the collection and retention of biometric data by authorities for the purposes of identification. In US airports we are asked to submit to retinal and finger print scans. In the UK the government wants to have everyone carry an ID card with their biometric data embedded on it. There is even a move to have

2007-04-24T15:55:00.000+01:00

Addendum: Rory Parle of www.soylentred.net has quite rightly pointed out a flaw in my previous post. The following is extracted from an email he sent me (because my comments box has inexplicably disapeared). "a small correction to your religion in schools piece:"Our constitution still retains the abhorrent section protecting theposition of the Catholic Church in Ireland (a political

2007-04-23T19:05:00.000+01:00

Religion in Schools An article in a daily Irish newspaper recently claimed that there was a lamentable lack of religious knowledge among those aged 14-25 in Ireland and that something should be done to change this. There is, however, no justification given for the inclusion of religion as a subject in schools – it is simply assumed that religion has some kind of

2007-03-12T17:02:00.000Z

Pedophilia is the new Black?(Firstly, I haven't posted in a while because of work, sickness and various other reasons, but bite me I'm here to educate and enlighten you not entertain your asses and secondly I am going to make some statements and ask some rhetorical questions here that are going to be very unpopular. It’s only fair that I warn you.)For some reason most westerners have always had

2007-01-07T11:54:00.000Z

Violence, video games and modern music.This arguement really pisses me off. It seems that each and every time some fucking stupid kid breaks into his grandafathers arsenal (!!!) and uses a batch of heavy artillary weapons to perforate his class mates the crusaders-for-no-fun come out of the wood work and bang their chests about whatever they think was the cause of it.It is not a coincidence that

2006-11-26T10:25:00.000Z

So education 'aint your bag huh? Ok. Fine. Be that way. See if I care.All right, so I do care. Here's something that you might find more interesting than expanding your mind. Rotting it with pop culture.http://www.watchtvonline.wsYes, thats right. Watch tv online FOR FREE without any of the harmful side effects.See it before they make it illegal.

2006-11-21T20:43:00.000Z

HiatusIs not, I am reliably informed, a very tall "atus". .....Ahem.Alright so I have been incredibly fucking lazy and havent written anything in ages - but frankly why should I bother when no one is reading it eh? Do I do this simply because I think I am better than everyone else or is it out of some deluded sense of duty to enlighten and educate the masses of proles who should be reading this?

2006-11-08T12:04:00.000Z

A Cast You Wouldn’t BelieveThere are sit-com writers in Holly-weird who would absolutely kill to have developed these characters. Seriously, if you were asked to watch a show this far fetched you'd cancel your Sky subscription and declare all hope for the furute of television lost.Bush The President is an illiterate, alcoholic, AWOL, cokehead with rightwing fundamentalist Christian ideals who

2006-11-07T12:11:00.000Z

Saddam Hussein & Death Penalty So the end of chapter one is in sight. Baghdad is captured; most of Iraq and Afghanistan lies in ruins. The leader of the enemy has been taken prisoner. Now, we will see justice carried out. Or will we? Saddam did not find himself on trial due to being overthrown by an uprising of his own people. Iraq was not attacked and invaded and subsequently

2006-10-26T09:58:00.000+01:00

An Ode to CitalopramOh how I miss my Citalopram tabletsThose little white pills that are cure for my madnessI miss them so much that I shake with convictionOh, how I wish I hadn’t lost that prescription… and that’s as far as I can get. Withdrawal symptoms fucking suck.

2006-10-24T16:05:00.000+01:00

Straight to video nastyStarship Troopers was a true marmite film experience. For some people it became a bench mark for their appreciation of Sci-Fi as a whole. For others it was little more than a teenage male fantasy without the guilt of killing other humans of fluffy animals. I was one of the former and I remained fiercely proud of that during the Broadcast of Roughnecks (the CG animation

2006-10-24T12:59:00.000+01:00

Throwing it open to the floor.Global communion would be wonderful wouldn’t it? If we could all just speak to each other and understand one another’s point of view the need for war and violence would be eliminated leaving on the desire of war and violence. In the interests of such a global communion I am opening up the floor to pitch ideas at me for new things to get angry and frustrated about.

2006-10-22T20:24:00.001+01:00

MEME? No penecillin for this is there?I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later that an inane list of things describing facets of my life and personality to the wider world who never asked and probably don't want to know. Someone says "Hey, why dont you do this too" and every other person you know goes ahead and does it. Now you have to do or forever be mistrusted by your friends

2006-10-22T20:24:00.000+01:00

2006-10-20T13:52:00.000+01:00

A short list of ill mannered shit that pisses me off. 1That dick-head who listens to his iPod at 50,000 decibels in the morning – playing 50 Cent at a volume loud enough to make the empty seat next to him bleed and forcing everyone else on the journey to listen to the mindless pap. I swear I feel like cutting the wires to his (her) oh-so-stylish white earphones. Seriously, why the hell do you

2006-10-19T11:10:00.000+01:00

Weapons Amnesty? The gods must have been smiling on me yesterday because no one has flamed me regarding the last post. I choose to take that as a sign that everyone out there agrees with my stance on the subject and believes the ruling of the European Court to have been correct.Good. Glad that’s settled.Today I want to talk about the current Weapons Amnesty being offered by the An Garda

2006-10-18T17:05:00.000+01:00

A Welcome Return?Ah yes! It is I! The Spoon-Master! Returned after lengthily hiatus to enlighten the masses and undermine the status quo with my own brand of vitriolic, badly thought out, de-constructivist vitriol. Patent pending.I have managed to cram enough experiences into the past few weeks to provide inspiration for many months of scathing attacks on society, politics, religion, science,

2006-09-11T20:47:00.000+01:00

MORE LIARS!!!http://www.ncta.com/ContentView.aspx?ContentID=3526See this. Pick your jaw up off the floor and then go here:www.savetheinternet.comMy point is made without my usual vitriol. How nice for the more sensitive of you.

2006-09-11T12:23:00.000+01:00

Tell The Truth You Rat Bastard!Five years on from the horrific events of September 11th and the world is a very different place for many people. Average people live in daily fear of the next attack from an enemy in a place they cant spell. Soldiers face the prospect of death in an uninviting sandpit when al they signed up for was to paint each others bollocks black with boot polish for three

2006-08-10T18:01:00.000+01:00

Usual ThinkingIt’s probably a good thing that I don’t believe in the human soul as a tangible aspect of being. Otherwise I would have a bugger of a time trying to scrub the filth off it. Can you get Ajax for the soul? Vanish In Wash cleanser for the essential spirit? I don’t know. What led to this line of thought was trying to decide by means of reasonable deduction whether some of the

2006-08-09T09:59:00.000+01:00

Die with bees in your cunt bitch!I swear to fuck I am going to wind up stapling this bitches tongue to the desk if she continues to wag it like this. Moreover, as an added irony, I would like to batter her viciously about the head and neck with the heaviest copy of the Oxford English dictionary I can find.Yesterday (because it has taken me this long to calm down and form sentences that are not

2006-08-04T10:59:00.000+01:00

Office CuntSo this morning I come into work as though it were any normal Friday morning. I came in. Switched on my pc. Went into the kitchen to enjoy my rhubarb yoghurt and a banana with my colleagues. After about ten minutes I returned to my desk and through the bay window that makes up the wall of the building I see a massive dark cloud. At first I thought it was just the Irish weather

2006-07-26T11:35:00.000+01:00

Um ... Hello? Like, where do you think you are?Read this (cut and paste is usually better than clicking):http://go.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=12921969&pageNumber=0Now you may chuckle.Always the way isnt it? The abused become the abusers. But who would have ever thought that I would be changing tack from uppity broads to uppity-queers. Am I saying that right? I

2006-07-21T09:13:00.000+01:00

Lucky Bastardhttp://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/07/20/cambodia.tamok/index.htmlIt amazes me but lately the truly fucking bad people of this world have been escaping justice by popping their clogs in especially timely fashion. (that rat basatrd Lay is a prime example from last week). I choose to see this as the definitive proof of the existance of Satan (but not God). Think about it?

2006-07-20T09:20:00.000+01:00

Gadai to be Armed for Appropriate Response to Rocks, Scissors Still a Threat!http://www.rte.ie/news/2006/0720/barr.htmlPaper spray? PAPER SPRAY??Good grief, I am utterly terrified of that concept. Apparently the weapons design came about in light of the lack of available transportation for Gardai in the city, stories of officers forced to hire taxi's to facilitate the extrication of

2006-07-19T13:40:00.000+01:00

Your Boss Owns Your NipplesRead this:http://edition.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/07/19/france.blog/index.htmlNow I just have to ask a couple of questions here. Firstly, what the fuck business is it of an employer what you read or write even if it is on company time? When did it become a situation where a company is doing anything but purchasing your time, skills and experience? Can anyone honestly

2006-07-12T11:49:00.000+01:00

Payment Protection and the Finance PiratesI cannot believe how stupid I have been. It is sickening. I feel like I should be checking my feet for extra toes or having my brain examined through MRI to check for massive gaps in the grey matter.I got a credit card with MBNA. I thought, ÂHey, this payment protection thing looks good! I think IÂll sign up for that so I can protect myselfÂ and I did

2006-07-07T11:04:00.000+01:00

Lungs & Bowels.I am not a big fan of Amoxicillin. I do not like the side effects of taking broad-spectrum antibiotics even when I know they are the most effective WMD to deploy against a bacterial beachhead forming in my lungs and blood system. I don’t like being sick much either.Last week I contracted a plague of biblical afflictions. Minor clod & flu symptoms rapidly turned into blinding

2006-06-22T14:27:00.000+01:00

Gay Marriage.I’m out of here before they make it compulsory. That being said though I am sick to the back fucking teeth of the bible bashing, evolutionary dead ends pontificating and preaching the “collapse of societies morals” when someone says that gays should have the right to marry and live as a couple in the same way as a man and a woman would. Agreed, the vows might have to changed a

2006-06-18T11:04:00.000+01:00

Uppity Broads Revisited The original post of “Uppity Broads” seemed to attract no small number of loud mouths, psycho’s, nimrods, sycophants, cretins, PC militants and semi-illiterate flamers. In a word … it was popular in its unpopularity. With that in mind I have decided to revisit the subject to clarify a few things, to make a few new points and to put a sock in the gobs of those who

2006-06-16T06:50:00.000+01:00

Wont someone think of the children? Well, they are at it again. This time the nanny-brigade have called for new legislation in the UK banning the broadcast of Junk-Food related advertising before the 9pm watershed – the time traditionally revered for ultra-violence, soft core pornography and “youthful” shows about drugs, sex and social difference.

2006-06-14T21:06:00.000+01:00

Usually I would have something interesting to bitch about or a certain cross section of the population to malign and (apparently) denigrate. But since I had to spend so fucking long responding to the inane and ill informed chatterings of those with far too much time on their hands I have decided to forego my usual venting of spleen and give you all a ittle lift.The following are some of the

2006-06-13T19:16:00.000+01:00

Rise of the Machines As many of you who are familiar with my work may know, I quite enjoy gadgets, technology and anything involving flashing lights, moving parts or the possibility of electrocuting myself. They will also be aware of my capacity for being a techno-phobic ludite capable of causing even solid-state electronics to fall apart and belch blue smoke. It seems like everyday I get

2006-06-12T20:03:00.000+01:00

Uppity Broads It’s a pity that this has to be the first blog at this new location, but needs must as the devil drives. Someone has to say something about the horrible state of inequality that seems to have a stranglehold on our fair culture in Ireland, the UK, the US and pretty much any other so-called emancipated nation. I refer, in this case, to the

2006-06-10T18:54:00.000+01:00

The Obligatory Introduction.Everything has a beginning. Most things have a middle (except polo's and doughnuts). Some things have an end (except, it seems, East Enders).And so it is with this humble blog.The quick back story is after a year or so blogging away at irregular intervals on Myspace.com I finally caved to the pressure of my more web-savvy friends and started a blog with an actual "